Dream Life Of Jeff Skilling

Who is he, Mr. Jeffrey Skilling?
I had I dream that mystery was me.
Now who else could it be?

I dreamed he went to prison
And Broadband Three came to see me
They lost one more
Down from five
To my favorite number three
Their legal situation is still quite dicey
But they do me the favor and lick my icing under the table now

But I gotta leave town Mr. Skilling
Just as they were about to go down on me
And don’t ask how Mr. Skilling
Don’t throw in the towel and run

I dreamed Sherron Watkins wrote a nasty letter
Because she couldn’t find a better
Use for her precious time
You got framed, you and Dr. Lay
They said you robbed the Raptors
What for? Nobody knows
I only know they loved Andy Fastow when he said he knows
Oh but that was all they needed
And they made you a criminal
Soon defeated
And now you’re in prison waiting
Oh Mr. Skilling
Mr. Skilling
Won’t you hang in there
No bear hugs, no secret side deals
I’m not one to judge
But I think you have a great chance with your SCOTUS appeal

So we gotta think fast Mr. Skilling
Watch your six, wake up and laugh, Mr. Skilling
But don’t throw in the towel and run

I had a chance to visit a friend in prison
But it was way too strange to stay
Now I wonder if he’d have been okay anyway
You Enron men always are, okay I mean
You find yourselves in the strangest situations
But I’m sure you meant to
You’re the ones with all the brains
I love you, Mr. Skilling
Just hold tight, Mr. Skilling
I’m coming back for you, Mr. Skilling
And I’m spoiling for a fight

Oh lord way to go, Mr Skilling, way to go,
Now you’re bending the poles
But don’t run, Mr. Skilling
Stay right right right where you are
And hold tight
I’ll think of something
I always do and you know I’m right

I know another trio
Not just the broadband guys you see
I know the NatWest men
British and sweet and twee
They like me plenty
And they didn’t steal any money
That wasn’t what I wanted from them
No interest or reciprocity
Oh Mr. Skilling, don’t run away
Mr. Skilling can’t you see
I’m just doing the best I can with what I have
I have a lot
I have a lot lot lot

I jumped ship in NYC and headed south to Washington DC
Met some guys there
Fancy, lucky me
But they couldn’t do for me what you did or what you are
When I dreamed you got into Harvard by saying you’re fucking smart
I need a man like that, you see
Who knows what’s what
And can prove it with a business degree
Oh Mr. Skilling
Am I making sense, Mr. Skilling
Am I just dreaming again, Mr. Skilling
You think they’re out to get you
But I think they’re out to get me

You are so brilliant and so keen
I remember watching you on teevee
When you argued with Larry King
On the day you were arraigned
Oh Mr. Skilling you were cool as ice
And they just can’t accept you’re innocent
But I’m doing all I can, Mr. Skilling
I’m trying to understand you
And Rex Shelby and Ken Rice
Oh Mr. Skilling, don’t run away
Mr. Skilling, hold tight and stay
I’m coming as fast as I can

One more thing before we go
There’s never been any place quite like home
And even in my wildest dreams
I know there is no place in between
For a man like you
You go to extremes
And things went the wrong way
This time I’m trying to make them right
To pull them back nice and tight
For once in a life time maybe,
I’d be foolish not to try

Oh I got to get away Mr. Skilling
What can I say, Mr. Skilling
I want to run run run away
I want to run run run away
I want to run run away

CNBC Coverage Continues: Is Spitting In The Face of the FBI Good Strategy?

Maria Bartiromo: The big news on Wall Street today was the Cara Ellison boom. It was positively bizarre, watching the events unfold this morning and afternoon when Cara Ellison was arrested. There is a debate about whether she stumbled because of the very high heels she was wearing or if an FBI agent, well, rather violently shoved her head against the car. But one thing that is not in doubt is that when she responded to being struck – she spit at the agent – her stock began to climb. It climbed all day and ended at a six month high. Let’s go to our financial analyst Amber Smith. Amber, what do you make of this?

Amber Smith: Well, Maria, I’m not surprised actually. I think people who invest in Cara Ellison Corp like that kind of risky behavior. They like a CEO who is going to fight back, literally spit in the face of authority, even when she’s being arrested.

Maria: Some people have suggested she would have spit at the FBI agent even if she hadn’t stumbled. Do you think that kind of bravado is an act? Or is she genuinely this….

Amber: She’s an emotional person. You will recall that in the third quarter of 2008, she cussed out an analyst who asked why he couldn’t have the balance sheet with the earnings statement. I think that emotions were high today. You had the sex tape, followed by a very strange motorcade into the city to be arrested, followed by the smack against the car. I think she was just acting out of frustration.

Maria: Well the markets loved it. Do you think the bounce in stock price is likely to last?

Amber: That I do not know. It’s really going to depend on the substance of the company. If these pending allegations against her are believed by Wall Street, then no, no amount of defiance is going to prevent investors from yanking their money out of Cara Ellison Corp.

Maria: Thanks Amber. We’ll resume our coverage right after this.

Cara Ellison on Sex Tape: "So What…We're In Love!"

Cara Ellison was arrested and arraigned today on 753 counts of securities fraud and white collar crimes including conspiracy, wire fraud, insider trading and bribery. After posting a $7 million bond, she walked outside with her attorney, who spoke briefly to reporters.

“My damn client didn’t do anything wrong,” said Robert Langston in his Texas drawl. “The government damn well knows it and we intend to prove it at trial.”

When an unidentified reporter asked about the sex tape that has been posted on the internet, Cara Ellison broke her silence and said, “So what?!”

Mr. Langston attempted to calm her but she said, “No, I want to answer this. What I do with my boyfriend is my own business. The fact you have it on tape does not make it your business. I was breaking no laws. And besides, we’re in love.”

Robert Langston appeared uncomfortable beside her and said, “Are you finished?”

Cara Ellison replied, “I guess so.”

Dealbreaker: Cara Ellison's Really Shitty Day

No matter how shitty your day is going, just remember: you’re not Cara Ellison. It could be worse!

First was the sex tape. Hell yes we listened to it. As far as CEO sex tapes, this is the hottest one in recent memory. It’s no Pam Anderson, but what do you expect from a HBS grad? I am only disturbed to think the guy who was making her squeal like that was the former NSA Director.

So Cara Ellison wakes up to discover her heavy breathing is all over the world, then she’s indicted (apparently in the middle of her big finale). Comes home to Houston and gets the shit kicked out of her by the FBI live and on camera.

Well the good news is, with that tape of the FBI smacking their bitch up, it’s unlikely any Texas guy on the jury is gonna convict her. Of course, after hearing that tape, none of them would have convicted her anyway.

FBI Statement Regarding Controversial Arrest of Cara Ellison

This morning, Cara Ellison was arrested in connection with massive corporate crimes at her company, Cara Ellison Corp. While agents were attempting to remove Ms. Ellison from the vehicle, Ms. Ellison stumbled. The agent attempted to right her so that she would not fall onto the ground. Ms. Ellison then spit at the agent.

The agent has been placed on administrative leave pending an investigation. We have no further comment at this time.

CNBC Live Coverage Continues: Was Cara Ellison Assaulted?

Melissa Lee: And we are back. Cara Ellison has arrived at the federal court house where she will be arraigned, according to our legal specialist, John Franklin. On your screen, you can see the car pulling into the lot. It’s sort of a famous shot. There are pictures of all the Enron people being walked through there. The perp walk, they call that. There’s the car. John Franklin, can you tell us what Cara Ellison must be thinking now?

John Franklin: I’m sure she’s regretting some of the more risky ventures. [Laughter, crosstalk.]

Melissa Lee: Okay, the door has opened, and Cara Ellison is being helped out of the car. Oh my god! Oh my God…. what just happened!

John Franklin: There goes the prosecution.

[Crosstalk]

Melissa Lee: For those listening on the internet, Cara Ellison was just.. I don’t even know what I saw here. Cara Ellison was being helped out of the car, and suddenly the agent appears to have just smacked her, hard into the car. She spit at him…. you can see on the ticker, this is strange, the stock price is rising…. I’ve never seen anything like it….

John Franklin: I have no idea what is going on.

Melissa Lee: Bob, did you see that?

Bob Winters: I think so. I’m sort of stunned. And wow, look at CEC, it’s climbing like crazy.

Melissa Lee: She’s not going easily into the building. She’s jerked her shoulders away from the agent who appeared to hit her… this is very odd.

Bob Winters: We’ll be right back after this brief message.

Cara Ellison Arrested

Cara Ellison has been arrested, the FBI confirmed this morning. She’s now being escorted to the federal court house in downtown Houston to face 753 charges of securities fraud.

CNBC: Live Cara Ellison Coverage

Melissa Lee: I’ve never seen anything like it, Bob. For those of you just joining us, Cara Ellison’s airplane has just arrived at Houston Intercontinental Airport. That white aircraft you see on your screen is her plane, and one of the controversial aircraft that she bought in 2004. Last month when the FBI began investigating her for insider trading, one of the … uh… problems that came to light was her purchase of four aircraft at a cost of half a billion dollars. She refused to decline delivery… or rather, she took delivery despite the fact that she was being investigated for financial crimes, which some thought was pretty brazen. Oh, the doors are opening. You can see the cars by the plane. One of our sources says the man in the white suit is her attorney, Robert Langston. He has his own colorful history down there in Texas. Known as a great white collar attorney. The other people may be federal marshals or FBI. We just don’t know.

And there is Cara Ellison. You can always identify her by the sky-high stilletos and that ponytail that hangs down her back. She’s walking down the steps.

Her attorney, Robert Langston, has opened the door of that black Escalade and she’s now inside the car. Langston appears to be talking to the … law enforcement. It does not appear that she’s being arrested.

Bob Winters: I wonder who those guys are.

Melissa Lee: We just don’t know, Bob. Could be federal marshals, or could be the FBI. It’s hard to tell from this camera angle.

Bob Winters: We’ll be right back after this brief message.

Melissa Lee: And we are back, with full coverage of the emerging Cara Ellison scandal. As you can see, there is a very strange scene being played out on the streets of Houston. It’s reminiscent of the OJ Simpson slow-speed chase in California. You can see, as the helicopters are following, there are five black SUVs speeding through the traffic. The police are using lights but no sirens. They appear to be escorting her where she’s going.

Bob Winters: Is she a celebrity or a criminal?

Melissa Lee: It’s hard to tell at this point, Bob. We just don’t know what is going on. We finally have our legal expert, John Franklin, back on the line. Good morning, John. Are you seeing this? What do you make of this?

John Franklin: I think Cara Ellison has a good handle on PR, that’s what I think. Look, she’s already not being treated like a regular defendant. She’s being escorted by the flippin’ Secret Service…

Bob Winters: Is that the Secret Service?

John Franklin: Well, somebody. She’s being treated like a celebrity, indeed, when in fact she should be treated like any regular person accused of heinous federal crimes.

Melissa Lee: They appear to be approaching downtown Houston. Any idea where they are headed, John?

John Franklin: My guess is the FBI field office to be arrested and booked. She’ll then be taken to the court house to be arraigned, she’ll plead guilty or not guilty, and then if past white collar cases are any indication, her bail will be set between a million and five million dollars.

Melissa Lee: What exactly is she accused of, John?

John Franklin: Everything, pretty much. I’ve never seen an indictment with so many criminal counts. It’s truly amazing. Wire fraud, conspiracy, fraud…

Melissa Lee: Thank you for your time this morning, John. Please hold on, we’ll be right back.

Loren Steffy: The Ellison House Of Cards Crumbles!

Last night around 11pm, a federal grand jury indicted the ultimate money honey, Cara Ellison, on a mind-boggling 753 counts of violating securities laws. While some of us in Houston have doubted the den of iniquity that Miss Ellison has built for herself out of sheer PR, it appears that she did have some people fooled at least some of the time.

When Enron collapsed, Ms. Ellison promptly used her family’s Big Snack Cake money to buy up all of Enron’s assets. She even moved into the offices at 1400 Smith Street. It has been rumored that one of Enron’s giant Es currently resides in her office, being used as a coffee table. Yet when she said she wanted to do things “the Enron way”, perhaps some gave her too much credit, assuming she meant big and loud and not necessarily criminal.

All that goodwill is gone now, as her indictment hangs over her head like a guillotine.

What makes this case unusual is that so far no one else in the company has been indicted or even accused of wrong-doing. Is it possible that the only bad apple at Cara Ellison Corp is Cara Ellison herself?

Cara Ellison Corp. Responds To Alleged Sex Tape

Senior Communications Director of Cara Ellison Corp, Perry Kanaly, said this morning that he is not aware of any sex tape involving Cara Ellison and her boyfriend, former NSA Director Jason Bennett. “We have bigger concerns this morning,” Kanaly stated, ostensibly referencing the 753 count indictment that was handed up yesterday from a federal grand jury.

Meanwhile, copies of the tape depicting Cara Ellison and her boyfriend having phone sex have been posted all over the internet. It is not known how the sex tape was obtained.

Ms. Ellison is expected in Houston, Texas this morning after a week of meetings in Paris.