From: Abby Christiansen
To: Elizabeth Dougherty
Date: December 23, 2009 1:59pm
Hey, I saw you called last night but I was at the office party. My head still hurts – it was so lame. Every year, the company rents out a restaurant and has music and presents and it’s actually pretty cool. Well this year, they got a ballroom at the Four Seasons. It sounds okay, but I thought it just had no personality. The food was good and there was an open bar but it seemed like everyone was kind of guarded this year. Then the band was pretty good but when they left to take their break, this DJ came on and I swear he put on Every Little Step by Bobbie Brown. Dude. That was painful. Amazingly, people actually got up and danced to it. Accountants and lawyers doing the running man for 4 minutes straight? My definition of hell. Incidentally I met Cara’s new husband, John Tice. He’s hot but he and Cara did not spend one second together at the party. I think those rumors that it’s a marriage of convenience so she doesn’t have to testify against him and vice versa are true.
The juicy part came when Cara Ellison gave her little speech. Now, with the Task Force crawling all over our finances, plus our entire C-suite under indictment, our outlook is pretty damn scary. Anyone who can get another job has jumped ship, our stock price is embarrassing, and we have been informed that we’re no longer allowed to carry our spouses on our insurance if their employer offers insurance. So basically we’re suffering. Anyway, Ellison got up there and lied through her teeth about how the stock price is an incredible bargain right now, and we should grab it while we can, and so on. I don’t think anyone believed her. And by the way, if you have not already dumped that albatross from your portfolio, you should. One cool thing: she had announced that nobody was getting bonuses this year, but at the party she told us to show up today so we could collect our bonuses. Mine was $1500. Last year it was $18,000. We only had a half-day today though, and we’re off until January 4.
But none of that compares to what I am about to tell you. You have to swear to keep this a secret. Seriously: NOBODY can know about this because it isn’t public yet. I heard from one of the guys in Hayes’ old group that the gov is going to offer to bailout CEC if Cara leaves. They’re supposed to make some big announcement after Christmas.
Fuck. Anyway, what is the email address of that HR guy at your company? I think I’ll send him my resume now.
From: Elizabeth Dougherty
To: Abby Christiansen
Date: December 23, 2009 2:11pm
1. We didn’t get a Christmas party at all. Not even pizza delivered to the break room.
2. We didn’t get a bonus at all. Not even $1500.
3. We have to work on Christmas Eve, and New Year’s Eve.
4. I haven’t had health insurance for a year.
5. I haven’t had a raise in three years.
6. Show a little gratitude for what you have. You sound so entitled, and you know, whatever the internal politics of CEC, that company has always taken care of you. You’ve never been hungry so quit comparing yourself to last year and five years ago. Either man up and realize you are one of the lucky ones, or just go away.
7. Our HR dude was laid off last week – just before Christmas. And his pregnant wife, who has no insurance at all now, is due to deliver in a week, so shucks, it looks like you just can’t catch a break.
8. Merry Fucking Christmas, you ingrate.