Marc Dreier: An Attorney's Worst Nightmare

Ohmygodyall, Have you read Dealbreaker’s summary of Marc Dreier’s interview with Vanity Fair? Priceless. And I’m sure his attorneys are basically calling out into the hallway to a group of paralegals, “Hey, just start shredding those Dreier files. We’re not going to need them anymore.”

Either Marc Dreier’s heart has grown three sizes, and now he wants to unburden himself – completely or that motherfucker is an idiot.

Maybe a little of both. But ohmygod, if I were on his payroll as counsel, I would so advise him do not do an interview with Vanity Fair in which you admit that you created a quote-unquote hedgefund. Are you hearin’ me, dawg?

I think the money quote is this one:

For months he brooded over the wreckage of his life. His epiphany, Dreier remembers, came in the summer of 2003, during a long walk he took on the beach near his vacation home, in Westhampton Beach, New York. He experienced a moment of clarity, he says, in which he saw the path he needed to take. It happened one day when he found himself staring at a palatial beachfront home. His own house was inland. He had always wanted one right on the beach.

The beach house, you see, was the key to feeling good again. Marc Dreier was upset because of 9/11 (no, seriously, read the interview) and because his wife left him so he felt like he was destined to be great and it was time to start being great.

So basically, with the beach house in mind, I guess you see now why envy is such a destructive force.

I quote Dealbreaker:

It’d be enough to send anyone to a place where the next logical thing to do would be impersonate hedge fund managers and stage fake conference calls! And honestly, not to insult anyone here, but do you know how easy it is to scam these hedgie guys? Like crazy easy. It almost seems like the crime would be to not scam them, if you think about it.

In his own words:

If he was to become a thief, Dreier reasoned, his target was obvious: hedge funds. It was 2004, and every dinner party he attended seemed to be thronged with young hedge-fund billionaires eager to throw around investment money. “I had to come up with some quote-unquote great idea for a hedge fund,” Dreier remembers. “I couldn’t sell anything tangible. It had to be a financial instrument at some level to sell to a hedge fund. So I came up with the idea of selling debt.”

That quote-unquote is killing me.

“I expect to spend most of the rest of my life in prison,” he tells me. “I hope I don’t die there. I’ve been blessed with good genes, you know.

So we haven’t seen the last of Marc Dreier.

UPDATED
The interview was complete with a photo shoot:

marcdreierfaces

Bottom left is Blue Steele if I’ve ever seen it. The middle bottom is Magnum and the bottom right is Sexyface.

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How Did You Arrive At That Number?

Some moron is suing Bank of America for – I quote – “1,784 Billion Trillion dollars.” Fun!

Screen shot 2009-09-25 at 11.08.15 AM

Historic Photos of Texas Oil

I recently read a wonderful, quirky picture book called Historic Photos of Texas Oil by Mike Cox. It is a collection of photos of the early oil boom in Texas, which may not sound fascinating but trust me, it is. There is something strangely effecting about the photos – the pictures of skinny workers having ice cream, the iconic pictures of Spindle Top spurting black gold into the air, tiny towns over run with oil rigs in every back yard.

All my life, I wanted to live somewhere ‘special’. People in Los Angeles, or Paris or New York know they are living somewhere kind of interesting; it is part of their culture. Living in Houston, the only interesting thing I ever saw was the Enron building. But after reading the book, I had a new appreciation for this silly little state. There is some romance here, maybe, if you look hard enough. I found myself thrilled by the old Texaco signs. I loved the pictures of trains carrying these huge barrels of oil across vast expanses of flat, empty land. They evoke inexplicable loneliness, which I suppose connects us to the loneliness of the workers who came from far away for a chance to work in the oil patch.

Others who got rich often did so quite accidentally, deciding to plunk a well down and see what happened. Most of the time, not much happened. But once in a while, the Texas hardpan earth was generous, and oil was found, and quickly monetized.

Being from Texas, I suppose it is easy to look out at the oil derricks and overlook the complexity of them. They become background. I remember once when I was very young (four or five, I suppose) my father was driving us from Corpus Christi to Houston. I remember thinking the oil derricks looked like dinosaurs. For some reason my father stopped on the side of the road, and I opened the back door and ran as fast as my tiny legs would carry me to the giant rusted “dinosaur”. My father chased me and caught me but not before I ran into the mud, losing my shoes, and hugged the dinosaur.

I just thought they were interesting. I wanted to see what they were all about.

After reading the book, I know.

Anyone who is interested in Texas history or the oil business should own this book. It gives context to both – and makes you feel pretty special for living in Texas.

FBI Destroys Evidence In Caylee Anthony Case

This YouTube video of a Florida newscast shows that the FBI destroyed critical evidence in the Casey Anthony murder case. A small heart sticker that was placed over little Caylee Anthony’s mouth was used for evidence in a search warrant that allowed police and FBI to search Casey Anthony’s arts-and-crafts closet for similar stickers. The original sticker was then destroyed by the FBI when a latent fingerprint examiner underwent the fingerprinting process on the tape where the sticker was affixed.

The FBI also failed to take photographs of the sticker.

While I believe that Casey Anthony is probably guilty of murdering her child, I also think the FBI and prosecutor’s offices should be held to the strictest possible standards. This kind of sloppiness is not unheard of either. In the past four years there were numerous reports of FBI computers being “misplaced” (a startling statistic shows that approximately 3-4 FBI computers get misplaced every month, 166 in the last 44 months). In recent months, FBI wiretaps used to eavesdrop on suspected criminals because of the bureau’s repeated failures to pay bills.

The FBI folks I know are generally good guys when you get to know them personally. But when they have the power of the United States government behind them, and they are trying to build a case these kinds of mistakes are downright terrifying.

Several Enron people told me that the FBI was much worse than the prosecutors because the FBI didn’t know what was important or not. And at least one agent told one witness to lie on the stand.

So there are problems, is what I am saying here.

I hope Casey Anthony gets a fair trial and then is put to death. But the “fair trial” part is the most important, in my opinion.

Cara Ellison's Advice For The Men Who Work For Her

1. There’s nothing you can do behind your desk that can’t be more effectively accomplished with a beautiful, long-haired, chain-smoking woman lying naked next to you in bed.

2. Suits are cool, as long as you wear them without shoes or socks.

3. Bribery is an acceptable form of argument.

4. Never sign your tax returns. Have your wife do that.

5. Meat is not murder. Meet is murder.

Ohmigod, Ohmigod! Sharks!

Somewhat befuddled that I am hearing about this from Dealbreaker, I am nevertheless happy as a monkey in a knife fight right now because – yall, seriously – the New York Aquarium is creating two massive, brand-spanking-new tanks for…

I can barely type. I quiver with pleasure.

… for MORE THAN 30 SHARKS!

Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod. If there is anything I love almost as much an Enron executive under indictment, it’s a SHARK (under indictment).

So my pleasure is obvious.

About That Video…

Sorry. I went to bed before it was fully uploaded and just saw that it’s too long to display. I will have to play around with it and see if there is some way to make it work. In any case, the transcripts vs. the reality of the trial are in queue for sure.

Shawna Meyer Video

In December 1999, liar liar Shawna Meyer made a video tape to be shown at the January 20, 2000 analyst conference. This is part one of that video. Part two, the transcripts, and some analysis including contradictions to her trial testimony are in queue.

Cara Ellison Marries Broadband CEO John Tice In Secret Ceremony

Cara Ellison married Ellison Broadband CEO John Tice on Thursday, according to Cara Ellison Corp. spokesman Perry Kanaly. The two CEOs tied the knot in a private ceremony at an undisclosed location.

The marriage was a surprise to friends, who said they didn’t even realize the two were dating. “Cara and Jason Bennett split three months ago but I had no idea she had moved on to Tice,” says an Ellison insider who wishes to remain anonymous.

Some speculate that the marriage is one of convenience for both CEOs who are under indictment. Ellison is charged with 753 counts of fraud, conspiracy, blackmail, bribery, tax evasion, and insider trading. Tice is charged with 12 counts of wire fraud, conspiracy and insider trading. Both have pleaded not guilty. As a married couple, they will not be required to testify against each other at their respective trials.

Tice was appointed CEO by Cara Ellison in 2007 for the company’s new Broadband division. Tice had nearly twenty years of experience in the trading and energy industries but no experience in telecom. The appointment was criticized by some, but analysts responded well to the news. Under Tice’s management, Broadband quickly grew to become a central domain inside the Ellison empire. In July, a federal grand jury indicted Tice for hyping the division when in reality, prosecutors say, the technology did not work.

Sixty-one counts of Cara Ellison’s indictment are also related to hyping Ellison Broadband technology, particularly the Broadband Operating System and the Ellison Intelligent Network. Prosecutors say both were little more than pipe dreams.

The marriage is the first Ellison, the third for Tice.

“That’s not going to last,” said one source. “But wow, I’d love to see that pre-nup.”

The Sad, Shocking Truth About How Women Are Feeling

Somebody sent me a link to the Puffington Host – a website that makes my ears and eyes spontaneously start bleeding. The subject at hand is women, and how sad they are. Normally I don’t read this stuff for the same reason I quit reading Frank McCort after Angela’s Ashes: all his books are about how much it sucks to be Irish. I’m sick of hearing about everything collapsing, falling apart, boo hoo.

But this article by Ariana herself, is stupid enough that the whole “oh pity me because I have ovaries” tone doesn’t grate as much. For instance:

When you think about all that has happened over the last four decades — with women securing greater opportunity, greater achievement, greater influence, and more money — the decline in our collective state of mind seems to defy logic, and raises the vexing question: What in the world is going on?

It’s a question we’ll be exploring in depth on HuffPost in the coming weeks, in a series of blog posts by bestselling author and lecturer Marcus Buckingham. Drawing on his years as a senior researcher at Gallup, Marcus has developed a far-ranging expertise on what all of us — but especially women — can do to live richer, more purposeful, and, yes, happier lives.

Marcus kicks things off today with a look at “What’s Happening to Women’s Happiness?” a post in which he drills into the data on women and happiness, and looks at what is causing the downward drift. He also sets the table for the coming weeks during which he will lay out his prescriptions for bucking the unhappiness trend, the subject of his latest book Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently,” which will be published on September 29th (just six days before our Books section launches!).

So a dude is going to explain in minute detail why women are sad?

Oh my God. This is so awesome I can’t stand it.

Women are sad because for the past forty years, old bats like Ariana Huffington have completely emasculated the men by making them feel guilty for being men. As a result, women are finding themselves acting like mommies for their husbands, and acting like bitches to everyone else. This is not normal. Let the damn men be men and let the women be women, and watch people flourish with joy.

So here we have a guy, who is so emasculated that he has become an expert on women’s emotions (just think about that for a moment), who is now going to tell other women why they’re sad.

If women are sad isn’t it our own responsibility to make ourselves happy? Or do we actually need a man to tell us what we’re doing wrong?

I’m confused. Maybe I need a man to explain to me what these big words mean.

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