May Bookstack 6

“Nothing Denied” looked like a quick, sexy, fun read. “State of the Onion” was picked up in a fit of frustration – I just wanted something different and I’ve never tried cozies, so here we go. “My Life From Scratch” is by Sandra Bullock’s sister, who is a baker. And “My Father’s Daughter” by Gwyneth Paltrow goes nicely with my expanding cookbook collection. I hate to say this but I was impressed with some of the dishes when I leafed through it. I’m eager to try them out!

Lawyer Demands Removal Of “Buxom” Paralegal

Some days, you need a story like this to make you appreciate just how fucking sleazy some lawyers are.

A Chicago lawyer says his opponent in a small claims case is using an unfair tactic by sitting a buxom woman next to him at counsel’s table.

Unfair to whom?

Attorney Thomas Gooch says the woman’s sole purpose “is to draw the attention of the jury away from the relevant proceedings” — a dispute over a used car. He asks Cook County Circuit Judge Anita Rivkin-Carothers to order the woman to sit in the gallery with other spectators.

In responding to the pretrial motion, attorney Dmitry N. Feofanov said the woman is his paralegal assistant and contends Gooch cites no “good faith legal argument” why she can’t sit at counsel’s table. Feofanov, who in the past has described himself as a “consumer protection lawyer,” asked Rivkin-Carothers to impose sanctions on Gooch for his motion.

Gooch told the Chicago Daily Law Bulletin he wasn’t objecting to the woman because she is buxom, but because he doesn’t think she is a paralegal.

“Personally, I like large breasts,” he said.

I get trichinosis just by looking at this ass clown.

“However, I object to somebody I don’t think is a qualified paralegal sitting at the counsel table — when there’s already two lawyers there — dressed in such a fashion as to call attention to herself.”

Gooch said he and Feofanov have faced off in mandatory arbitration. At the time, he objected to the woman sitting at the counsel table and arbitrators asked her to leave, he said.

Feofanov said he “didn’t believe it is professional to try a case in the press.” However, he turned over public documents on the case to the Daily Law Bulletin.

According to Feofanov, the paralegal, who the Law Bulletin says is identified in documents as Daniella Atencia, has been paid as a paralegal in two court orders by Cook County judges. Both times, the rate for the paralegal was $115 an hour.

“That’s not a qualification,” Gooch said. “That means Dmitry handed up a bill to a judge that said paralegal on it. I don’t believe it’s a legitimate thing. It’s a sham.”

His over the top skepticism cracks me up.

History Being Made

Ernest Hemingway at his typewriter as he works on For Whom the Bell Tolls at Sun Valley lodge, Idaho, in 1939.

Hawker Beechcraft v. Embraer

I haven’t been writing about politics much, but there was an issue that caught my eye.

The military is trying to decide whether to buy roughly equivalent planes from either Hawker Beechcraft or Embraer.

Hawker Beechcraft is an American company. Embraer is a Brazilian company.

Buying the planes from Hawker Beechcraft creates 1400 American jobs. Buying the planes from Embraer creates 50 American jobs.

Buying planes from Hawker Beechcraft safeguards the lives of American female pilots while 80% of women pilots can’t eject safely from the Embraer planes.

Buying planes from Hawker Beechcraft means we can use the planes whenever we want to do it. Brazil’s government can cut off access to parts, thereby grounding the Embraer planes.

Why is this even a hard decision? It’s like a guy looking a skanky biker chick and Natalie Portman and going, “Gee, I don’t know, Natalie Portman is cute, but I really like the Motorcycle tat on the other one’s face. I’m not sure which one I like better.” What’s wrong with people today?

Book Review: Life With My Sister Madonna by Christopher Ciccone

Sheila recommended this book to me several times, and I’m glad she did. It was a rushing trainwreck of a book, every bit as bitchy and snarky as one of Kitty Kelly’s gossip-fuled brain dumps but without any trace of graceful writing, even with ghosting assistance by Wendy Leigh.

Christopher Ciccone has the misfortune of being the brother of the greatest living legend of our time: Madonna. That seems to be his only role in life: Madonna’s brother. His book describes a lifetime of trying to get close to her, her refusing him, and then both of them acting like pricks.

Several times he describes Madonna’s financial parsimony, refusing, for instance, to pay off the house and buy the car for their beloved grandmother, refusing to pay him a decent amount for his “stage direction” of her world tours, and relegating him to the indignities of coach travel. It would have been nice for Madonna to be more generous, but does Christopher have to be such a total pussy? The man has absolutely no ambition other than being “Madonna’s brother.” It seems never to have occurred to him to try to do something unrelated to Madonna – something on his own where he would not need a recommendation letter, loan, or kind word from her. And yet he constantly bemoans the large shadow she casts, wishing he could somehow escape.

Mr. Ciccone describes frequent cocaine usage but when Madonna confronts him, he tries to explain it is just recreational, just on the weekends. He has no self-awareness, obviously, about how that sounds. And as a new mother to Lola, Madonna was right to keep Christopher at arm’s length.

Mr. Ciccone’s homosexuality was a considerable part of the book, and I enjoyed reading about his struggles to find acceptance in his family – that seemed like one of the few actual real issues that the man has faced.

There was an overall creepy vibe to the book as he described looking at the Playboy pics of his sister with his boyfriend, and wiping down her sweaty naked body during shows (making special mention of her breasts). He also noted how they both lost their virginity in cars to boys named Russell. These sexual references activated the ick reflex and made me think that he was seeing her as her fans were, which just felt sad to me.

Ciccone dishes about doing blow with Kate Moss, hanging out with Demi Moore, and doing more coke with Jack Nicholson. His book is basically an accounting of all the celebs that Madonna introduced him to, all the opportunities she exposed him to, and how he utterly pissed it away because he wasn’t willing to actually work for what he wanted. He wanted Madonna to make him whole, financially and emotionally. Though his intent was shed light on Madonna, his book shed light on characteristics he’d probably wished he’d left uncovered, if only he had enough self-awareness.

May Bookstack 5

I’ve kind of gone a little overboard so far this month. The books continue to roll in. I bought Life With My Sister Madonna on Sheila’s strong recommendation. The Royals by Kitty Kelly looks like a delicious gossip-fest of one of my current favorite subjects. The Paris books feed my Paris obsession. And a couple of romances to top off this frilly, frothy stack of books.

May Bookstack 4

The massive number of books I bought over the weekend are starting to roll in. I didn’t realize I bought a used copy of Till We Meet Again. Not only is it used, it looks really ragged. Not sure about that. But otherwise, I’m delighted to have my zombie books.

May Songs

Songs I’ve bought so far in May:

I had to buy a few Nirvana songs because I realized I only had the MTV Unplugged version of those songs. Undisclosed Desires by Muse is probably my favorite song right now; I can listen to it 20 times in a row.

May Bookstack 3

I’m trying something new here — Scottish time travel romances. Who would have thought they are an actual subgenre? I had no idea.

Patient Zero is a zombie book. I am way into zombies right now. If you know any great zomb books, please let me know! I am on the hunt!

And the book on the bottom is Courtney Love’s journals. I peeped at it – it looks like a yearbook.

Kabbalah and Suicide

I do not understand the connection, but Gmail has found one.

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