Being Conservative In The Age of Obama

Last night’s electoral defeat hurt. I won’t lie, I’m pretty bitter about it. But any emotions I have about the loss are secondary to the consideration I’ve given to the question of “Why” and a broader issue I’m much less comfortable exploring: is it possible I’m wrong – all conservatives are wrong – and liberals are right? Has conservatism finally been defeated? Is it really passé?

I was really surprised by lib’s reactions today. As they spike the football and call us the Party of Rape (thanks, Akin!), I can’t help but believe that part of the issue is that liberals don’t understand what conservatism is. They just have this cartoon image of it; they are effectively railing against strawmen. Here is what I believe:

I believe, first and foremost, in liberty.
I believe in business, free-markets, and capitalism.
I believe in self-reliance.

None of these things is controversial, yet liberals make them sound like I want to eat baby flesh and murder everyone. I simply don’t understand the opposition to these things.

More profoundly, the social issues that are tearing our country apart make me sad. The whole “war on women” meme just made me nauseous after a while. Here’s what I believe:

VAGINAS & BUTTSECKS

Have all the contraception you want. Seriously, take it. But don’t ask me to pay for it. You want to fuck without condoms, you accept the repercussions of your choices.

Abortion is awful. It’s an abomination, it’s disgusting, it can’t be good for you and it is sad for the baby who never got to live. That said, it is not my business to speak out on this issue. If a friend was going to abort her child and wanted my opinion, I’d give it. But I wouldn’t push her into anything. Not all women love abortion. And yet, not all conservatives, like myself, give a fig what you do with your life.

Conservatives need to chill the fuck out on this issue. I don’t understand how it could interest either liberals or conservatives, but it has got to stop. Under the mantle of liberty, this needs to be a private matter. Liberals also need to shut the fuck up about this issue. Just shut up. Take responsibility for your fucking and shut up. Abort if you want to. It isn’t a political issue. Just shut up.

As for homosexuality, conservatives have got to stop caring about this. The “don’t be gay” brand of conservatism is just repulsive. It is nobody’s choice to be gay, and even if it were a choice, what business is it of yours? Just let people be themselves. Quit caring that someone, somewhere, might be getting laid in a way that makes you feel dirty.

TAXES & OBAMACARE

Our taxes are fucking insane. Conservatives have this one right. We can’t afford the nanny state that liberals want, but what’s more, we shouldn’t have one on moral grounds. We should all strive to be self-reliant badasses. I don’t want to pay more. I don’t want to support anyone more than I do already.

Obamacare – indeed any socialised health care – is a disgrace because it entitles the state to have more power over the individual. I don’t want to be told what to eat or weigh or do. Just leave me alone. Even if you’re a hard core socialist who LOVES universal healthcare, can you at least put yourself in the shoes of someone who doesn’t want that and be made to understand what a violation that is?

EARNING DISCRIMINATION

No two people are alike. No two people have the same education, the same years experience, the same competence, the same ability, the same dedication. Therefore, it is impossible to impose a “standard” salary and thus, if men make more than women then I’m fine with that, if the man is clearly more qualified than the woman. It scares me to realize there are people who believe everyone is entitled to the same salary. I am frankly afraid that this is what Obama wants. It limits upward mobility. It stifles creativity. It is bad and awful and wrong. The marketplace should decide what people are worth. And incidentally if women were willing to do the same job for less than a man, why are women more than twice as likely to be unemployed than men? That is simply a myth.

RACISM

I’m not a fucking racist. I’m sick of being told I’m a racist for not wanting Obama to be president. I would have happily voted for plenty of other black people – JUST NOT HIM. Please, libs, tell me you get this.

IMMIGRATION

We can’t afford illegal immigrants. Period. No other country on earth has open borders, please quit expecting them here. Maybe in the future we will, but right now we can’t afford it. Again, it isn’t racism to point that out. If they want to immigrate legally, our arms are open.

CAPITALISM & REGULATION

Obama seems to have a hate-on for capitalism and I don’t get it. He does a lot of crony capitalism, but that isn’t genuine capitalism. I would like to see more capitalism. I’d also like to see less regulation. When Obama said he would break all the rules and cut the red tape in order to help the NJ and NY victims of Superstorm Sandy, he was tacitly admitting that regulation harms people.

GLOBAL WARMING

I don’t believe in it, but if you want to, please feel free. By all means, act in a way that you feel is environmentally responsible. But please leave me out of it. You know how you libs hate when evangelicals want you to believe in God and ask you to tacitly participate in their god-worship? Yeah, that’s what your global warming stuff feels like to us. Just respect the differences between us and move on.

GOD, MUSLIMS & CHRISTIANITY

I am not religious. Christians make me roll my eyes. Muslims make me scared. I would not be afraid of muslims if they didn’t blow stuff up. I know you will say that it is such a teensy tiny fraction of people who are radical and want to blow us up. Doesn’t matter. I am afraid of them gaining political power for the same reason I hold my keys a little tighter when it is dark and I’m walking out to an empty parking lot. Nope, they aren’t all terrorists. But I’m attuned to the reality that some are.

Conservatives, you have got to make God a private matter. You can’t keep your political movement tethered to a religious one. You have got to cut that noose.

The point to all this is that the liberals have a point: we are now a minority. We either have to reform or die. I believe liberals are wrong on a lot of things, but I also think they’re wrong about us. And the first thing we need to do now is simply start showing ourselves, our political opposites, and the general public what being a conservative means.

What does it mean to you?

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